Rly struggling with this recov thing rn
Opiate addiction is like going to heaven. And once you’ve been to heaven, anything else is hell.
Lately, I feel like I’m reducing myself to the smallest parts of myself. I chip off tastes of me in broadcasts of my taste. I’m externalized in emails and shared cigarettes. I become my grossest flaws: a lone pimple on my back, my minor credit card debt, my inability to say “I love you” to those I do. I am jealous of everyone who gets to see me from the outside, as they seem to like me fine, even love, they say, and I loathe most of what I imagine myself to be.